(courtesy Simon & Schuster Australia)
One of the most sacred axioms of book buying, assuming you pay attention to such things and honestly this reviewer rarely does, is that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (but of course we all do so sorry, not sorry).
Probably up there too is the idea that you shouldn’t let a snappy, quirky title place undue buying influence on you either, but again, I am easily swayed by titles that embrace an idiosyncratic sense of fun, and no, I care not if the guardians of good literary title this is a sound approach to picking the next book you read (or which joins the towering stacks of TBR titles which will one day topple over and cause a sizeable earthquake in your neighbourhood).
This is why The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) by Tiffany Hunt practically leapt off the “new releases” shelves at Sydney-based Galaxy Bookshop and into my ridiculously eager hands, its title sounding like the just the kind of fun I need in a time of work stress and global uncertainty.
Rather happily, and alas, it’s not always the case, the book itself more than matched the mischievous vibe of the title, with everything from the amusingly inventive chapter headings to the snappy, buoyantly fun dialogue to the meta self-awareness of the characters adding up to a novel which has you laughing far more often than it doesn’t.
I pressed both palms on the table. ‘ By now, you all know the situation. I need a highborn descendant of the First Hero, someone who’ll survive proximity to my dark magic without keeling over.’ I pulled a dagger from my belt, testing its edge with my thumb. ‘Preferably someone who won’t try to stab me in my sleep, though that’s negotiable.’
[Several names are suggested and amusingly rejected.]
Griffin spoke up, fidgeting. ‘Princess Violet of —‘
I paused mid-spin. ‘Which Violet? The pacifist who started a goblin peace coalition?’
‘No, the other Princess Violet.’
‘The one who breeds rabbits?’
‘No, the other other Princess Violet.’
‘How many Princess Violets exists in this cursed realm?’ I snapped.
Griffin paled behind his glasses. ‘Seven, my lord. Popular name twenty years ago.’
‘Absolutely not. I refuse to spend eternity clarifying which Princess Violet I kidnapped.’
This is a seriously funny book.
Even more brilliantly, while the premise could have so easily ended up as a lame one-joke idea in lesser hands, Hunt absolutely builds and enlarges and clearly has a huge amount of enjoyment with it, the comedic vibrancy of her garrulous approach only growing with every hilariously pitch-perfect chapter.
What adds even more appeal to a book already awash in it, is that The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) dares to mix its goofily self-aware comedic sensibilities, which are up there with the best stand-up comedians you have ever had the pleasure of watching, with some seriously intense emotional back and forth.
That matters when the Dark Lord at the heart of the story, Lord Kazimir Blackrose, in need of a bride to make his empire-enlarging Heirloom of Dominion ancient magical artifact actually come to life, kidnaps Lady Arabella Evenfall from the sort of neighbouring kingdom of Solandris.
She is, on paper at least, the perfect candidate for unwilling matrimony – she is a direct descendant of the First Hero who banished the evil Shadow King into oblivion, which is key to make the Heir of Dominio whir busily to life, and she’s is also presumably a compliant princess who will simply accept her marriage to a dark lord as just another misogynistic imposition in a long line of such grievous slights.
But Arabella, fed to her beautifully appointed back teeth has had enough of being treated like a tradeable commodity and Lord Blackrose discovers he has a feisty partner who very much demands to be treated as an equal.
So much for the best laid dark-infused plans of Kazimir and his coterie of advisors – his meticulous strategist Sims, his archly insightful steward Vex, security chief Thorne, and his “slightly problematic” enchanter Griffin.
Arabella, it turns out, has magic of her own, and while she is a woman of staunch ethics and high moral standards, is more than capable of matching it with her new husband, magically, relationally and in every way that matters.
As the back cover blurb of The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) rather entertainingly makes clear, “Being abducted by the realm’s most notorious villain is just another Tuesday for Arabella”, and what emerges quite quickly is that if Kazimir is going to make her his bride without any permission, then she’s really going to make him work for it.
Cue a blizzard of witty retorts, blisteringly funny dialogue back-and-forth that zing with the very best romcoms ever, and scenes that crackle with the kind of cleverly devised comedy that makes the heart sing and the soul laugh.
As a fantasy comedy of opposites clashing rather fabulous well with each other, and yes, you know it’s just a matter of time until the dark lord’s utilitarian actions give way a real and magically robust romance, The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) is a delicious sip of laugh-out-loud deliciousness that delivers on every single soot-stained and stone-fallen page.
‘Is that part of some official dark lord doctrine—right between “always monologue before killing your enemies” and “ensure your fortress has dramatic lighting”?’
I raise an eyebrow, feigning complete seriousness. ‘Chapter three. Right after the section on cloak maintenance.’
She rewarded me with a genuine smile, one I found unexpectedly magnetic.
Full to the brim of political intrigue, jealous exes, magical frenemies, war, murder and spells and conjuring without number, The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) is a gloriously fun and surprisingly emotional romp across the soon-to-be Western Realms.
It is such a good read that wherever you read it, and in the case of this reviewer, that’s on a train commuting to and from work, you will seriously contemplate cancelling whatever you had planned or had to do, and simply lose yourself in all the war, romance, magical murdering and, lots and lots of s*x, which by the way is wholly necessary for reasons you will discover in the book.
It’s that addictive a read and honestly those kinds of novels are rarer than you think.
Not only does The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) have a title to take home to your TBR mother, not that it will stay on that pile for long, it absolutely delivers on its premise, serving up not only boisterously intelligent whimsicality but some really emotionally searing moments as the unexpectedly substantial union of Kazimir and Arabella actually get to know and, love each other.
Yeah, yeah, dark lords aren’t supposed to fall in love, and admirably strong-willed women aren’t supposed to lose their hearts to the man who kidnaps them (though Arabella is never a victim and turns the table on her husband with giddily repetitive glee) but all that and more happens in The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) and it is absolutely and hilariously and joyously and imaginatively brilliant, the kind of superbly masterful The Princess Bride vibes read that makes you glad the sequel is only a few months away!
And part 3 …